I teach the "Teachings for our time" class in Relief Society. Last week we had a lesson on raising our families in perilous times. I've had a few people request the notes from my Relief Society lesson this past week. (Talks are from April 2013 General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) Below is my lesson:
September 22, 2013
We are daughters of our Heavenly Father – by Elaine Dalton – Young
Women General President
Stand strong in Holy Places – by Elder Robert D. Hales – Quorom of
the twelve apostles
Start with Elder Hales:
We are living in the last days, in “perilous times.”1 As bearers of the priesthood, we
have the responsibility to stand strong with a shield of faith against the fiery
darts of the adversary. We are role models to the world, protecting God-given,
inalienable rights and freedoms. We stand in defense of our homes and our
families.
When I
was in the ninth grade, I returned from my first out-of-town game with the
varsity baseball team. My father discerned that on the long bus ride home I had
witnessed language and behavior that was not in harmony with the standards of
the gospel. Being a professional artist, he sat down and drew a picture of a
knight—a warrior capable of defending castles and kingdoms.
As he
drew and read from the scriptures, I learned how to be a faithful priesthood
holder—to protect and defend the kingdom of God. The words of the Apostle Paul
were my guide:
Reader #1:
“Wherefore take unto you
the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and
having done all, to stand.
“Stand therefore,
having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of
righteousness;
“And your feet shod with
the preparation of the gospel of peace;
“Above all, taking the
shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of
the wicked.
“And take the helmet of
salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”2
From Elder Hales: Brethren,
if we are faithful in the priesthood, this armor will be given to us as a gift
from God. We need this armor!
Young
men, your fathers and grandfathers never faced the temptations that you face on
a regular basis. You are living in the last days. If your father wanted to get
in trouble, he had to go searching for it. Not anymore! Today temptation finds
you!
Please remember that! Satan desires to have you, and “sin lieth at the
door.”3 How will you resist his
aggressive tactics? Put on the whole
armor of God.
A couple
of years ago, Sister Stephensen when she was the Relief Society president taught
us a lesson that I haven’t forgotten:
Draw
graph on chalkboard of: Christ – US –
The World
Where
are we? We tend to mark our standards based on the world’s standards, but what
is happening to the world’s standards?
Over time they are getting worse and worse, so if we judge our standards
based on the worlds standards then in a short period of time, our standards
have now become what the worlds standards are and we are getting farther and
farther away from Christ’s standards.
Elder
Hales says: Back then I could not have
imagined how far and how fast the world would move away from God; it was
impossible to understand that, given doctrine, principles, and commandments.
And yet the standards of Christ and His Church have not moved. As He said, “The
truth abideth forever and ever.”5 When we understand and
accept this, we are prepared to face the social pressure, ridicule, and even
discrimination that will come from the world and some who call themselves
friends.
As
I’ve read the talks for this lesson I have had an overwhelming feeling come
over me that I need to share some information with you. In the last few months I have had the
opportunity to talk with several friends that have children who are struggling
with “pornography addictions”.
Some
of the information that I am going to share with you is very personal and
sensitive. I am doing so to raise awareness
in you and hopefully help you protect your families.
My
husband Mike worked in the technology industry for 13 years. From the time our kids were little we have
always safe guarded our computers. We
have our computer screens facing outward so the family can all see what is
being viewed on the computer screens.
When we leave to go on dates, we have shut down the internet access and
put passwords on our computer to protect our kids from viewing anything
inappropriate while we are gone. We
don’t go to bed until our kids are all asleep to make sure they aren’t up on
the computer.
Tell
the story of giving the kids an “ipod touch” for Christmas.
We
thought we were giving them a device to listen to music and play games on. One of my sons were in 6th grade,
not long after receiving it, had a kid at school suggest that he visit a
particular website that had pornography on it.
It was like a brick hit me over the head. We had done all kinds of things to protect
our kids from the dangers of computers, but we had failed to realize that they
were carrying a computer around with them in their ipod touch and that we were
allowing them to keep them in their room at night. This was the beginning of our rule that all electronic devices be checked into
our rooms at night before anyone goes to bed.
·
In
2006 Pornography was a $26 Billion dollar industry
·
Today,
the average age for exposure is 11 years old
·
Pornography
is being viewed most by children – ages 12-17
·
72%
Males and 28% Females
·
1 out
of 6 women are viewing pornography or reading pornography
·
In the
ages of 18-24 year olds – 70% are visiting a pornography site every month
·
The
most porn traffic is done between the hours of 9a-5pm (parents working and
people in offices behind closed doors)
They say pornography has
the 6A’s:
·
Accessible
·
Affordable
·
Anonymous
·
Aggressive
– They target children and do everything in their power to get it out . They know that if they get people hooked,
they make $$
·
Attitude
– Lessons their attitude about purity
·
Addictive
– We can get high on our own brain chemicals.
It causes the same chemicals released as Heroin or Cocaine.
o
In
talking with a couple of BYU bishops, they find it is easier to help people
deal with drug addiction then pornography addiction because its more addicting
and it causes other addictions like masturbation.
I had a conversation this
week with someone who was a convert and grew up in a home where his dad had
pornography in the home. He said he had
tried drugs and he had viewed the magazines that his father had in the home and
he didn’t feel like pornography was as addicting as drugs. The pornography industry has changed from
when we were younger. When we were
growing up, people had to go buy a magazine to look at – which is stagnant
pictures. Today, they click a button and
have full videos to view. This is why it
is so addictive.
One
friend recently found out that her son has been viewing pornography for 5-7
years. It started with an ipod touch in
middle school. He has been working with
the church’s addiction recovery program and recently explained to me that the
way he was viewing a lot of the pornography especially after his parents
started locking down his computer access, was through Instagram.
·
Any application that has
#Hashtags that
can be viewed and searched for is susceptible to pornography. Twitter and Vine are big problems as well.
·
Untraceable through
internet safety programs
·
You
cannot view a “history” of the program
Now, with this information,
what do we do?
·
Realize
that if your kids are using an electronic device (ipod, smart phones, ipads,
tablets) – they are at risk for viewing pornography. After making this statement to our bishop, he
added that “if your kids have a device, they are viewing pornography”.
·
Monitor your kids devices – what apps do they have,
what are they viewing, what are they saying on their social media. Only 35% of the kids on social media have
their parents involved in their social media.
I am 100% certain that if all of the kids parents were on social media
monitoring their kids activity that we would see a lot less “selfie” pictures
of girls and boys in their bathrooms taking pictures of themselves in the
mirror with inappropriate clothing on.
o
This takes time, a lot of
time, but you have to teach your kids what is appropriate to do and say. They say and do things they never would do in
person on their electronic devices.
·
Set viewing rules!!!
o
Do not allow devices in
their rooms or bathrooms to be viewed when other people are not around.
o
Collect all devices before
the kids go to bed at night.
§
I
believe this one thing will cut your kids risk down in ½ because their viewing
opportunity is cut in ½.
§
I have
been telling friends and family to do this for the last year or more. I
recently had a friend start doing this and she is amazed at how much better her
kids are doing in school and how much happier they are. They used to stay on their phones til all
hours of the night texting friends and playing games. Now they are getting a good night’s rest
every night.
§
Some people say “I have
good kids” or “They use it as an alarm clock”. Buy your kids an alarm clock and nobody is
exempt from Satan’s influence. We’ve
seen bishops fall to satan’s temptations.
No one is protected. We have to
protect our kids!!
After watching 4
different kids who have had to delay their missions because of addiction I
recently felt an overwhelming weight on my shoulders as I thought, I have 3
boys and there has never been a more difficult time in all the history to be a
parent. How am I going to protect my kids?
Today in sacrament meeting
we were blessed to listen to our youth speak and sing. The spirit confirmed to me that truly the
Lord has saved his strongest youth to come to the earth at this time. I could feel the strength of their spirit and
their potential as they sang those beautiful songs today. The best were saved for last because they
have to withstand the hardest of temptations.
We need to do everything in our power to help protect them.
Pornography is our
plague. Just like in ancient times, the
people were protected from the plague by following the commandments; we can be
protected from pornography by following the commandments.
Are we doing everything
within our power to keep Satan’s influence out of our homes?
·
Are we following the
commandments?
·
Are we allowing pornography
to be viewed in our homes?
o
President
Gates in the adult session of stake conference talked about a woman who came in
to talk to him about how horrible pornography is and told him that her husband
had her view it as part of their intimacy.
President Gates said “That’s like stealing a car to attend the temple.”
o
We had
a young engaged couple come and ask us the same question. They had several newly married friends who
said they started watching porn on their honeymoons. The couple said, “You’re not supposed to view
porn even if you are married, right?” We
said, “Correct, you have never heard the prophet say don’t view until you are
married!”
·
Are we watching “R” rated
movies and inappropriate TV shows?
o
These
are things that desensitize us and set a bad example for our kids
o
I
found that my standards got even stricter as a started to raise my kids because
I never wanted to be a “do as I say, not as I do” kind of parent
Sister Dalton shared the
following:
Recently
my magnificent 92-year-old mother passed away. She left this mortal existence
as she had lived—quietly. Her life was not what she had planned. Her husband,
my father, passed away when he was 45, leaving her with three children—me and
my two brothers. She lived 47 years as a widow. She supported our family by teaching school during
the day and teaching piano lessons at night. She cared for her aging father, my
grandfather, who lived next door. She made sure that each of us received a
college education. In fact, she insisted on it so that we could be “contributors.”
And she never complained. She kept her covenants, and because she did, she
called down the powers of heaven to bless our home and to send miracles. She
relied on the power of prayer, priesthood, and covenant promises. She was
faithful in her service to the Lord. Her steadfast devotion steadied us, her
children. She often repeated the
scripture: “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not
what I say, ye have no promise.”4
That was her motto, and she knew it was true. She understood what it meant to be a
covenant keeper. She was never recognized by the world. She didn’t want that.
She understood who she was and whose she was—a daughter of God. Indeed, it can
be said of our mother that she acted well her part.
Reader #2:
Of women and mothers,
President Gordon B. Hinckley once said:
“We must never lose sight
of the strength of the women. … It is mothers who most directly affect the
lives of their children. … It is mothers who nurture them and bring them up in
the ways of the Lord. Their influence is paramount. …
“… They are the creators of
life. They are the nurturers of children. They are the teachers of young women.
They are our indispensable companions. They are our co-workers in building the
kingdom of God. How great is their role, how marvelous their contribution.”5
We are
a church of hope. I am so grateful for
the Atonement, that through Christ he will take away all that is unfair in the
world. I am so grateful for the
opportunity to be a Mother and pray that I will have the strength to follow the
spirit and be a protection to my children.
I hope the picture doesn't reflect your parenting approach with your kids web enabled electronic devices. Kids today need their parents involvement and guidance more than ever before.